Case File #: 0023
The Crime: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
The Perp: Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith
Classification: (defies classification)
The Weapons: manky dreadfuls, katana swords, Brown Bess muskets, daggers, outdated social exigencies
The Victims: Jane Austen
The Accessories: hoards of British undead, aka “manky dreadfuls,” aka “unmentionables,” aka “the stricken”
Violations:
Mr. Darcy is rendered not unlovable but awkward by his [...]
Case File #: 00022
The Perp: Ward, J. R.
The Crime: Dark Lover (Black Dagger Brotherhood Book 1)
Classification: Paranormal Romance (Vampire)
The Weapons: Lust, bloodlust, dense vampire lore, the evil dudes, bad-asses and mass quantities of black leather.
The Victims:
Elizabeth ‘Beth’ Randall: The plucky, well she’s disenchanted enough to not really be plucky, journalist who lives a rather [...]
Series Profile#:00002
The Perp: Meyer, Stephenie
The Crimes: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn
Classification: Young Adult Romance
The Weapons:
Painfully slow plot progression (at times)
Alternating lethal doses of sickeningly sweet love and devastating, incurable heartbreak
The beauty of Edward’s cold, hard Being, with which we are endlessly bludgeoned
All-around ridiculousness
The Victims:
Bella, the reluctant human: we identify with her because [...]
Case File #: 00016
The Perp: Sands, Lynsay
The Crime: Single White Vampire (Argeneau Book 3)
Classification: Vampire Romance
The Weapons: Introverted SWV meets extroverted SWF. Plus, there’s a convention.
The Victims:
Lucern Argenaeu: 600-year-old Mr. Isolation lives in Toronto and spends his evenings playing video games and writing vampire romance novels.
Kate C. Leever: Ms. Leever is Lucern’s new editor and [...]
Case File #: 00014
The Perp: Lavey, Inara
The Crime: Succubusted
Classification: Short Story Paranormal Erotica
The Weapons: Succubus (a female being that feeds off the life force of others during sex).
The Victims:
Lil: the narrator who’s part Succubus thanks to her grandmother. She can’t have a long-term relationship since her feeding on her boyfriend’s life force starts to drain [...]
Case File #: 00012
The Perp: Sands, Lynsay
The Crime: The Rogue Hunter
Classification: Vampire Romance
The Weapons: Uh…hot alpha male vampires!
The Victims:
Samantha ‘Sam’ Willan: the career driven lawyer who’s on vacation with her sisters. She’s just out of a pretty bad break up and gets it in her head (thanks to her sisters) that a fling with [...]