The Dangers of Deceiving a Viscount

Case File: #00021

The Perp: London, Julia

The Crime: The Dangers of Deceiving a Discount

Classification: Historical Romance (Regency)

The Weapons: False identity, wild horses, blonde hair

The Victims:

• Phoebe Fairchild / Madame Dupree: the artistic, dreamy Fairchild girl, (and allegedly the prettiest) who is forced to take a job (gasp!) in order to avoid scandal.  She is a talented dressmaker, and had been selling her dresses under another name to raise money when her mother died, leaving the girl’s money in their evil stepfather’s hands. Her sister and cousin marry extremely rich dudes, and she no longer has to sell dresses. However, the shop owner she was selling to, Mrs. Ramsey, threatens to out her if she doesn’t take a commission at Wentworth Hall, which will bring in lots of dough for the old bag.  At Wentworth Hall, she draws inspiration from the elaborate shrubbery (crazy!!).

• William Darby, Viscount Summerfield, Baron Ivers: An adventurous dude who is summoned home after six years of raising hell on an international level. He comes home to find his father is paralyzed, and his young siblings dirty and wild, not having had access to the family’s money which was in Will’s name. He is forced to accept the responsibility of bringing Wentworth Hall back to its former glory, and seeing that his sisters and brothers are settled. He is tall and blonde, and has a scorpion tattooed on his forearm. He wears a scarab amulet around his neck to curb his horniness. He also tames wild horses.

The Accessories:

• Caroline Fitzherbert: Extremely suitable match for Will, who also has feelings for his younger brother Joshua. She is a bitch. the fact that Will has no feelings for such a beautiful, charming, and rich girl makes him realize that no one will ever match Phoebe.
• Alice Darby: Will’s younger sister who is in love with a smithy’s apprentice. Alice’s love for someone not in her station, and this highlights the hopelessness of Phoebe and Will’s situation.
• Apollo: a wild horse Will is trying to tame throughout the book. Apollo throws Phoebe from his back, causing her to give up her virginity to WIll right there in the field. Apparently Phoebe’s twisted ankle is too much for Will to take! He has to have her right there!

Violations: London’s refusal to use the word nipple, or even make up a word for nipple. Instead, Will must take ‘the peak’ of Phoebe’s breast into his mouth, whatever that means. Also, Phoebe’s constant gratefulness for the efforts of her brother-in-laws to pass reforms in Parliament for the well-being of working women. Because she really understands what working women must endure, what with her having to make gowns and stroll amongst magnificent shrubbery every day.

Analysis: I was very bored with Phoebe and Will until the last eigth of the book, when her deception is revealed. Suddenly there was a sufficient amount of gut wrenching, heartbreaking pain to please this agent. Their affair was all very lame : he can’t resist her, he yearns for her, and vice versa. Alice Darby’s plight was much more interesting and deserving of sympathy.

Grade: C-